I have demands for this on all sorts of social media and even on the good old dog and bone so here it is.
Back to singles this year and our letters have been recieved. So everyone knows who they are buying for but no one knows who is buying for themas per tradition. Hence the requirement for this blog post.
Get advertising everyone. As ever hilarity and cripticness is always appreciated.
4 weeks today.
14 years ago
66 comments:
Dear Kris Kindle,
First of all I'm impressed I got here first! And as you all know by now it is my style to keep to the point and be reasonably exact with my wishes, so...here we go: I’m somewhat sleep deprived at the moment so that may explain why I have decided to continue with the sleeping theme this year (you may remember that last year I got a most wonderful sleeping bag). Now I would like to sleep, or stay awake with a baby as the case may be, in style in our own bed. All our duvet covers are 12,5 years old (coincidentally this is also the time we’ve been married...) and are beginning to fall apart. Well, our best cover did fall apart already. That's why I would really like a high quality duvet cover for our double duvet (200 cm x 200cm). I’d like it cream or ivory, with just something little extra on it, like a bit of embroidery or a simple pattern or so. Ideally (but I appreciate that this may be impossible to find within the price limit) I’d like it in 100% tightly woven (ie really soft) cotton, or Egyptian cotton, but also satin or a cottonmix would do. I found a few examples on the internet just to give you an idea of the kind of style that I had in mind:
http://www.linenslimited.co.uk/joanna-duvet-cover-set-ivory-double-9727.html
http://www.linenslimited.co.uk/minimalist-duvet-cover-set-cream-double-825.html
http://www.dunnesstores.ie/page.php?pid=19§ion_id=297&sub_section_id=79&range_id=375&product_id=15574&__pg_ps=16&__pg_pg=1
http://www.linenslimited.co.uk/egyptian-cotton-400-thread-count-duvet-cover-cream-double-1916.html
http://www.dorma.co.uk/shop/bedroom/bedlinen-designs/sateen-plain-dye-collection-bedlinen/?ref2=1|Size|Double&ref1=1|Colour%20Group|White
Love, Mrs The Other Cold One
One of the things I love about my wife is that she's straight and honest. But one gets the feeling she hasn't quite entered the spirit of things. Oh, and hopefully I'll remember who I'm buying for this year...
Can we have points for number of entries in these comments, with extra points awarded for wit and style etc.? We'll need an impartial judge, and the winner gets to tidy up Norwegian Woods garage, or paint his barn doors or finish of the games room below...
Could I also suggest a default present setting?
Although we have had a whole year to think about our presents, and christmas comes but once a year, there are those of us who are a little tardy in presenting their suggestions in sufficient time and sufficient detail to ensure that they receive their present in time for the big day.
How about getting a hat, gloves socks and thermal undies if you haven't put a definitive wish up by december 12th?? As a bonus they might even fit you!!!
Well, I started thinking about my next Kris Kindle already in January...
Just a strong wish that parents of all my husbands nieses and nephews asap inform about what their children want for Christmas. Remember sizes if it is clothes, and things that are very heavy and difficult to send per post can be left out (unless can order on the Internet and send directly). If I can get a quiet moment with FBS we will write a wish list from him and I will try to come up with some ideas for Second Born Son (SBS).
I'm not good at hilarity or cripticness, (which word, by the way has been underlined as the blog doesn't recognise it) so I'm just getting in to thank Norwegian Wood for setting up blog as a result of the good old dog and bone call, and to say that despite thinking since last January, at present I can't think of anything. maybe, in view of our up-coming trip to Tromso to see (hopefuly) the Northern Lights I might even not suggest anything and get the thermals as suggeted by The Other Cold One.
Ps I'm gong to plead that we get suggestions early, no matter how they come as some have to be posted.
Pps It doesn't really seem possible that 12 months have gone by since we were doing this. How time flies.
Our Father says
Lesson One: How to drill a quarter inch hole through a 10inch block wall 8 feet up:
Take your old faithful corded Electric Drill. Borrow son in law's extra long masonry bit. Place bit in keyless chuck and tighten as much as possible. Climb wobbly ladder. Discover lead isn't plugged in. Descend, plug in but forget to turn on switch. Ascend. Repeat process to turn on switch. Get to top of ladder to find lead has gone taut and plug has pulled out of socket. Descend/ascend again. Restart drilling after forgetting to engage hammer drill. Hold on grimly as drill vibrates madly because chuck doesn't grip drill bit properly. When chuck undoes itself, attempt to tighten it onto the bit which is now jammed in the wall.Eventually persuade drill bit out of wall with intention of tightening into chuck again, but drop it because you've forgotten it would be red hot.Descend and give dentist a call to book to have fillings that have just shaken loose fixed, pick up bit when it's cooled down,/ascend.....
etc...etc...but eventually, when the job is finished, and you've experienced that orgasmic moment when the drill at last bursts through the wall, try getting the b....y drill bit out of the chuck.. It's now stuck. Can't twist chuckless drill, resort to clamping bit in vice and hammering chuck to release it.
Now the chuck is battered and even harder to tighten and its pretty nearly bye-bye time for my Black and Decker.
So I could do with a new decent quality electric drill. Might even think in terms of a good old-fashioned one with a keyed chuck.
Now I realize this could exceed the budget, but perhaps a donation towards one would be an acceptable idea.
Or .. other suggestions to follow ..
Dear our father, are you sure that is a true story.....after all, can you really remember what an orgasmic moment feels like???!!!
I olso have been struggling this year for ideas as to what I would like. In fact I have possibly been thinking about it since last January and have still come up with nothing.
I know....
My house is broken,
as is my man,
with tea as a token,
do what you can,
to help make my home,
a nice cosy place for a cold shron.
There...and if your in cork that service can be given free of charge.....
P.S. if you don't speak Irish then feel free to take guess's at what a shron is :-)
Dear anonymous.
Please can we refrain from discussing our fathers orgasmic feelings.
I'd rather not know.
Thank you very much.
I know that this comment section should be kept as a child friendly zone but couldn't resist this, in reply to the first anonymous comment (And while you're at it, come out of the closet, anonymous, we know you're in there!)
Mummy, mummy, mummy, what's an orgasm?
I don't know, ask yer father....
You mean it wasnt you other cold one???? Your mind is the most corrupt of all!
Why is it that everyone else except me is struggling to think what they'd like...? Since I've given my hint already and will have to wait until next year for my next present, I've started to ponder over what others could do with. So ladies and gentlemen have a think (and a critical look around and at your belongings): Could you perhaps do with a new, quality wash bag? A new wallet or a belt? Have you got a hand bag that would go with your different style of coats/jackets, would you perhaps need one in a slightly different style than the one you usually carry with you? Have you got a suitable bag when you go e.g. swimming, or do you carry your swimming gear in a shopping bag like we do? What is the state of your table cloths - are they the right length, colours still unfaded, or would it be time to get a new one? What about your towels, are they still nice and soft after hundreds of washes? Or is there a book/DVD/CD you'd like to get but think that it's not really something you should be spending money on? Hints from everyone would be greatly appreciated reasonably soon, as posting something from here takes time (as does shopping with 4 kids) and delivery from online companies takes a while around this time, too.
Ok, I've looked in my cupboards
and in my drawer
and come up with some ideas
to prevent a new world war!!
An overnight bag is a thought
for when I'm out for the night
if you type the word into amazon
you'll see some that look right!
Another charm for my pandora
is always welcome
Not too big to post either
wherever it's coming from!
I'm also a great fan of Rihanna
so a cd would be brill
Or anything for the garden
you all know gardening gives me a thrill!!!
(for me it's the garden,for Dad it's his drill!!!!
Hope my poem makes sense
to one and to all
and think of me tomorrow
starting in another hospitall!!
I have thought carefully about what I would like and part one is easy to tell you.
Part 2 will hopefully come soon and you will have to work it out. I just need to work it out first!
Ok so no I am not on a diet but I already have a feew recipes from this man and they are amazing....simple and delicious.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Clean-Lean-Cookbook-14-day-Menu/dp/0857830074/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1322507055&sr=8-4
Yum yum yum :-)
Thank you x
Well done to most of the ladies. We're on our way with straight forward and rhyming hints. All good wishes go to Little big sis
(I think)! As she said She's now coping with an entirely new work situation and lots of sadness at leaving the old theatres where she has spent the majority of her working life. Meanwhile Our Father is on the high seas tonight with London Son. They're taking a large Transit Van to London to bring bqck a 3 manual house organ. I'm at home on my own with nothing better to do than look at the blog and go to bed early....
I'm still thinking
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.
The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help.
All to no avail, the camel refuses to move.
The wife who was standing at the rear end of the camel says "hang on, I'll try this".
Suddenly the camel got up and raced off towards the sandy horizon.
The arab asks his wife what she had done, and the wife replied
"I just kicked him hard between his rear legs on that bag like thing that hangs there".
The arab with a look of resignation bends over and touches his toes with his ar$e facing the wife and says "go ahead, do it"
She say "do what" and he replies " kick me in the same place because Ive got to catch the bloody thing"
Is that a hint for your Kris Kringle????
So you want a kick between the legs????
It may well be.
Maybe he wants a camel?
And I could come up with at least 3 jokes featuring a camel which absolutely could not be printed here...
1) The new commander of the French Foreign legion wondering why there's a camel tied up outside the fort in the middle of nowhere...
2) The 'Staff of life' Joke
3) The desert artillery (very similar to viking longship's...)
Names and addresses on a postcard if you want the full XXX version!
Still no hints though...
"more patient, sure-footed, hardy and long-lived than horses, and they are considered less obstinate, faster, and more intelligent than donkeys."
My present wish can be found here. www.chainreactioncycles.co.uk
now you have 2 clues which should point you in the right direction. It's a little over the budget but I will refund. Alternatively they've got 20% off christmas gift vouchers so a £50 gift voucher would be a very good inside budget alternative.
Very good Viking longship. I am a little dissapointed though. I was looking forward to someone flying over to you and giving you a kick up the butt.
Right... hopefully more cryptic, amusing content from me to follow... but as I am aware that there are deadlines for things to be sent, i will throw up a couple ideas to begin with...
1: After a recent visit to a food show and seeing a few masterclasses I have the taste for learning a bit more about cookery, so a voucher for a masterclass would be amazing, either in London or Ireland would work as I am too and fro so much... and I happen to know that Oliver Dunne (Michelin Star in Dublin) is doing them for €50...
2: Driving experience... either something fast or going sideways! Especially a drift session would be awesome! But not sure if they will be within budget...
Just a few ideas anyway!
More to follow
Mrs VL was requesting hints for kids. Here are some ideas should anybody still be looking for ideas:
1. Eldest daughter: she is size 150cm and growing fast. Perhaps a pyjama or a nice top, or a new hand bag (currently she borrows always a really nice bag that belongs to daughter no 2 (the bag was bought for her by mr & mrs VL a couple of years ago, or was it last year?). Or something for her Nintendo DS, like a cover for it or so.
2. Youngest daughter: She is size 128cm. A plain, long sleeve white or pink cotton top that she could wear with her everyday dresses and skirts would be great. Or a swimming costume if you happened to find a cheap one. Or something for her Nintendo DS (which she is hoping to get for Christmas)
3. Eldest son: Size 98cm. A pyjama (two piece model please as he often needs quick access to the potty), track suit bottoms or other soft pants, slippers/little indoor booties to wear in his playgroup(shoe size 25), colouring-in book, swimming goggles,
4. Youngest son (and also the youngest child). He'll be soon moving into size 74cm clothes, so if anyone buys clothes for him, please do not get anything smaller, 80 cm would be fine too as it is the 74-80 cm clothes (in practice 9-18 months)that have had the hardest wear on them by our eldest son. E.g. trousers/pants for crawling would be great, or a fleece suit or jacket, or any clothing really, or a nice bib.
But please do not spend too much money, it is the thought that matters!
I just posted our little pressies to VL kids, took a chance with the economy mail... fingers crossed they'll arrive on time!
In Greek mythology,Xxxxxxx (ancient Greek, Πανδώρα, derived from πᾶν "all" and δῶρον "gift", thus "all-gifted", "all-endowed") was the first woman.[1] As Hesiod related it, each god helped create her by giving her unique gifts. Zeus ordered Hephaestus to mold her out of earth as part of the punishment of mankind for Prometheus' theft of the secret of fire, and all the gods joined in offering her "seductive gifts". Her other name, inscribed against her figure on a white-ground kylix in the British Museum,[2] is Anesidora, "she who sends up gifts,"[3] up implying "from below" within the earth. According to the myth, Xxxxxxx opened a jar (pithos), in modern accounts sometimes mistranslated as "Xxxxxxx's box",releasing all the evils of mankind — although the particular evils, aside from plagues and diseases, are not specified in detail by Hesiod — leaving only Hope inside once she had closed it again.[4] She opened the jar out of simple curiosity and not as a malicious act.[5]
Solve the Xxxxxx and you have a very leading hint.
A letter, would be great; A, U or L to represent my boys ( E.g the "Two Tone Alpha A" - like these two tone:-)). Not quite sure if within price limit. Other options will be posted.
Dear Kris kringle
This is a bit of a heavy order but to go along the lines of my cook book I would like a grill pan to healthily cook my yummy meals on.
Heres a little idea of what I am thinking of.
http://www.amazon.com/Lodge-Logic-L8SGP3-Pre-Seasoned-Square/dp/B0000CF66W/ref=sr_1_1?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1322947282&sr=1-1
I would also like to build on my tiny series of maps. I would like an ordnance series map number 74. 1:50000 scale. This map covers all of the galtees and all of the knockmealdowns. Greatly appreciated.
I have now run out of ideas unless you would prefer to get me a sheep skin carpet.
Thanks
Kid Sister
x
Oh yes, one more thought: our girls also like sewing and needlework.
Good one, Mrs V L. Like the clue. Shouldn't cost too much to post either!
That's a good load of hints already... Come on all those who havn't given any yet.
Quite surprised that my wife couldn't say which animal my second clue refers too and no, it's not the same animal as the first clue
Christmas this year has potential to be without cheer,
Unless of course there is copius amounts of beer!
If I don’t get some ideas down soon
I run the risk of coming last with the wooden spoon.
So here goes…
Photography - Polarising Filter 67mm,but needs to be of good quality and I have seen a Hoya Digital Pro1 version on amazon for close to budget….can recompense if a little over, but only if it’s the pro version reduced, as the normal price can be around £100…so perhaps a long shot
If that’s not an option then smaller bits….
Book - All Hell Let Loose the world at war 1939/1945 Max Hastings
If my buyer happens to be local, then a new standard wood saw wood be grand, as my current affair has gotten a little rusty
If stuck the usual funny ties for work are always an option – Wallace & Gromit, peanuts etc
Chocolate and Nespresso coffee are a handy filler too
PS hoping to go shopping at the end of this week, so anyone else left needs to get their finger out...
Hope you all know the tune:
Sing ... 1, 2, 3, 4
If I were a rich man
diddle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle, dum,
I would need a nice leather wallet
If I were a wealthy man.
I really need a new one
daidle, deedle ,daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle, dum,
Not that I'm a biddy biddy rich
daidle, deedle, daidle, daidle man.
(2nd time FINE)
(next three notes tenuto)
I - need - a - nice wal-let with lots of compartments
just to contain my credit cards (plink plink)
and useful paper money if I have some,
It would be nine by twelve centimetres,
nice and smooth and not too hard,
To fit in my back poc-ket by my bum.
(tenuto again)
I'd - close - my - press stud with a flourish for all the town to see and hear,
Popping it as noisily as I can
So then my euros chink and fivers rustle
just like music to the ear
as if to say 'I am a wealthy man!'- (sigh) - DC al FINE.
I got a very useful present last year, but this year I've decided that my leisure needs are to be fulfilled (Not that I get much leisure time...)
Here's the hint...
The first word is divided in two parts:
The first part is something that the space shuttle needs a lot of to get going
The second part is attached to a school and a head
The second 'word' is part numbers, part letters.
The first letter is also the first letter of my wife's second name! (Warning, this may be a trick question...)
Then there is a alternative for a complete end.
The number which follows is exactly the same amount that our most recent car cost.
The last letter is the year letter of the registration of the car in which we older children learnt to drive on, much favoured by the presenters of Topgear...
This should be easily found online for the required sum, I'll be flying sky-high if you get it, and (big hint) -it was my subsiduary present last year...
(Anonymous) solutions on a postcard to this blog - first correct one out of the bag receives my eternal gratefulness.
If this is too wayward, then I can put the link to the website - but was told last year that this was no fun at all!
You still want an extractor hood???!
Glory be. Its no good, my brain cannot cope with either VL or the Other Cold One's hints. Must be getting very old......
Our Father and I had been so busy we hadn't looked at the blog for a week. Sat down on Sunday evening and had a good laugh. We were especially impressed by our greek scholar. Then I was very disappointd to learn that the one person I was sure would know the tune couldn't sing along to Our Father's effort. Shame!
I realise that I'm pretty well the last to blog my request. I'm so sorry. Its not like me to be behind.
Radio Ad heard last week:
"What did Gran say she wanted for Christmas?"
"She said something about a goat"
"You mean a coat"
"No, it was definitely a goat. In fact she mentioned 'goat' eleven times"
(All this in a broad north cork accent!)
Well. I've been thinking and thinking about what I would like this year.
I do hope my donor won't mind if I request a two part pressie.
Dar Kris Kindle,
Four fifth's of my pressie I would like to go to Bothar as a contribution for a cow going to a needy family. www.bothar.org
One fifth if there is enough, would go towards something thermal, gloves hat scarf socks, whatever to help me keep warm when (hopefully) viewing the Northern Lights after Christmas in Tromso.
I hope this will be acceptable.
With many thanks and love from Mum of neary all.
Finally, being a 'bear' of little brain, I apologise that my request isn't clever cryptic rhyming or in the least bit obscure.
Sorry to be so boring.
Dear All,
Yes its true singing alone to Our Fathers tune was a bit tricky......
BUT....
I did manage to sing the chorus no bother. And Im possibly the wrong generation for If I were a rich man....
However. If I were a rich man I would probably like it for my ordanance survey maps to be laminated in a weather protective shield. Mountains, rain and paper maps equal potential lostness.
Thank you
Mum of all,
If you go to the web site and do a search for the animal refered to in my first clue then you will soon work out which animal is refered to in my second clue....
Heston Blumenthal at home...
If you ever get a chance to look at it, do!
And if you wish to buy me the book for Christmas, feel free!
Message for Big little sis,
BIL's Kris Kindle is on its way in the post. It will arrive in your name (BIL - only study details of post in your own name!). Please remove all clues to who it could be from, wrap and hide away for Christmas day. Thank you very much for the help!
Is it ok if kris kringle does not arrive in time for xmas??? Free transport is available if people are happy to be patient....
VL Do you have a colour preference or will you leave it to kris Kindle?
Can I enquire what anonymous comment no 2 is talking about?
Who is givin free transport to who and why?
It will have to be Red (Chilli Pepper/Charcoal) to match my Team flowtite cycling outfit.
BTW The reason for purchasing this (http://www.chainreactioncycles.com/Models.aspx?ModelID=57099 to be 100% sure we are on the same wavelength) is to use in the 93Km long Birkebeinerittet next year which has a requirement to carry 3Kgs on your back and also goes through lots of sheep muck areas so having a normal drinks bottle getting literally covered in sheepsh1t is not optimal.
I guess that the Kriskindle transport comment is directed to us (unless my wife is annonymous 2??????) we have no problems with waiting a few days.
Days are passing so quickly...soon Christmas. Just a very plain boring message.
I promised to post some other options if the Xxxxxxx did not suit the buyer.
-Ear thermometer for children.
-thin wollen socks
-Book: Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys: Why Boys are Different - and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men.
-Any other recommended and easy to read book about children.
I did also promise to post a whish list from FBS and SBS, but are not sure if this is needed anymore??? Seems like all have sorted this and either left presents with us or have already posted. So no list here, but please say if hints still needed.
As annonymous poster 2. I appreciate your response Viking Longship. Your wait shall only be 2 days after all.
To Mrs VL
VL's Kris Kindle is being shipped Directly. Please will you intercept and keep for Christmas Day.
Thank you very much.
from VL's Kris Kindler!
Mrs TOCO,
I have, at last, transferred money for the pressies as discussed for your four. Divide it into 5, please as there is one with a birthday too!
Shortly you will recieve a package from me which can be opened immediately as their pressie labels will be inside.
Thank you for sorting this all out.
With love, Mum of nearly all.
To Mrs The Other Cold One...pressie for MR is posted to Mrs...should be gift wrapped, so just check first before going under the tree.
To whom it concerns - As London Son is staying in London for Xmas, his pressie needs also to be in London
To Mr TOCO
Mrs TOCO's Kris Kindle is being shipped Directly. Please will you intercept and keep for Christmas Day.
Thank you very much.
from Mrs TOCO's Kris Kindler!
As the intended interceptee for one of the KKs, I have initially come up with an unintentional issue. I now have an interminable amount of indiscernable parcels inhabiting my counter! Infacta, which one is to be intercepted??? I think I will just have to get inebriated before it will become indubitably, inexplicably, inherently obvious!!!
A parcel for Mr TOCO arrived safely at our door yesterday. Beautifully gift wrapped! I carefully destroyed any papers that might just have given the game away...and hid the parcel so that Mr TOCO won't open it before Christmas with the assistance of his very quick little helper!
And thank you very much Mother of nearly all! I had actually just been wondering what to do about gift labels. Great!
This is a message for the inebriated interceptee. I feel that it is appalling that folk send you presents willy nilly in random packages without labels and not the slightest warning or information. To ensure that I am not guilty of the same, I would like to inform you that the are a number of packages on the way to you (and by you, I don't mean that the contents are for you personally, but it wil be you that they are addressed to). These are from us. There will be 3 presents in total. With one of the packages delivered containing more than one present and the other not. The contents of parcel with 1/3 of the total number of presents we are sending (ed. have ordered on the intenet) should be gift wrapped and with a label which should indicate the intended and not intended recipient or recipients. This package should arrive on time but may not. The remainder of the presents will arrive on the same day. These will almost certainly be late, with half of the contents that arrive on the same day arriving later than the other half. The contents of this package are both for the same person but will not be wrapped or labelled. The largest of the presents arriving on the same day will also be the one that is most late (ed. should that be latest?).
I expect that this is now perfectly clear, if you are in any doubt then please refer to my first paragraph.
Pass me the drink!!!!
I'm feeling in need of a stiff drink too. Are we to assume, once we have sobered up, that your parcels will be somewhat late? Or is this just an assumption? I feel very sorry for little big or is that big little sis, who seems to be coping with an awful lot of un marked and complicated packages. She needs the kris kindler of the year award for all the heroic deeds she's got up to.
(When she's sober again, of course)
Oh dear... Did I forget to put labels on my pressies...? Perhaps this is a new Christmas tradition: "Guess who is this for..."
It's perfectly simple, 2 presents will arrive on the same day at the same time for the same person. The larger of the 2 presents will be the most late.
Dear KK
I had a call from DHL today asking the way to the house with a package from Chain Reaction.....
My wife denies recieving anything, but I don't believe her!!!
So to my KK whoever wherever, it seems my present has arrived.
Don't really understand all the fuss about 2 presents arriving on the same day, one of which will be late...
I suggest the consumption of alcohol until that stage of inebriation in which this statement makes sense (or else you're too far gone to care anyway...)
Anyhow, a parcel arrived today (the last possible moment, since we celebrate and open presents tomorrow!) for Mrs. TOCO, which has been intercepted and will be wrapped by this years Father Christmas and his little elves just in time for the yuletide celebrations.
Ps: The three stages of manhood (boyhood?)
1. You believe in Father Christmas.
2. You don't believe in Father Christmas.
3. You are Father Christmas.
For the attention of LONDON SON!
You should soon receive an e-mail relating to your kriskindle. Please do not read until 25.12.2011.
Yours,
Anonymous
Dear kriskindle,
Thank you very much for my thrustmaster T.16000m joystick. I plugged it into the computer and it worked straight away. I can now fly my planes with great delight, and my life is now complete. (At least until next Christmas, when I shall want a real plane to fly...)
Your loving brother(in law), son or otherwise somehow related individual.
TOCO
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